| Day 1 of fast -- epic fail. I woke up this morning and was immediately pissed off over nothing. I slammed things around my room and yelled at one of my friends for about 20 minutes, my boyfriend for a while, and my mother. One of my friends wanted me to go to the dining hall with her, and I knew that I would be sucked in as soon as I said yes. I can't relive what I ate, so I'm not going to write about it but I will say this; it's not in my stomach anymore. I'm so sick of failing and all of this bullshit. I'm not coming out of my room until Monday and I will make it the rest of this weekend without food. Does anyone have any good websites to look at when you're bored? (ED related or non ED related, doesn't matter...I just need distractions)
<3 Hope everyone is well today. |
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| One more final to go on Monday and then I'm officially done with this semester. I couldn't be more excited!(:
My spirits are up today.
Fasting starts at midninght---ends on midnight Monday. I'll probably be on here posting like a psycho all weekend;; <3 |
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| After all this time, there’s nights like tonight. I want to die. I’m always going to feel this way, I know that. I’ve completely come to terms with that. The question is: how many more nights am I going to be able to talk myself out of exiting? I hate myself. My mom always says that she wishes I could see how wonderful I am. Well Mom, so do I. I wish that I could see it, if it’s even there. A mother’s love is strong, strong enough to see the beauty in her child when no one else does. I know the truth though; that’s the only beauty there is of me: the beauty that my mother sees. I think if I could cry then I would feel better, but I can't. |
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| So today... Woke up at 8:30 and realized that I had a huge packet due for my 10:00 class. So I did 4 hours worth of work in 1. Went to class. Had lunch with a friend...half a sandwich and six fries and four big bites of icecream. Went to my 12:00 class only to find out that it had been cancelled....awesome. Worked for two hours putting files away and did a bit of homework while I was there....I love being a work/study in such a laid back office! Came back to my room after that and attempted to take a nap but people kept calling and texting me like mad, so that was a no. Went to dinner with my friends at 5:00 and binged, just flat out binged. Came back and watched OTH and I came to the realization that it might be ending...not sure how I'm going to deal with that if that's the case because that show has literally gotten me through so much. Even when people weren't always there for me, those characters have always been there for me. Maybe that sounds dumb, but it really is important to me. Anyway, after that I did some more studying, then made a huge list of everything that needs to be done this week and pretty much freaked out and ran to the damn vending machine. Fml. Tomorrow is a new day.
Night<3 |
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